Why we do it better

So, I'm leaving tommorrow again to get on my marry way to Rome after the holidays. I'm so gleeful... oh alright I'll say it, Rome again Rome again, jiggidy jig. There, it's done and you can't do a thing about it, but you CAN keep reeding because the worst part of the post is over. So ha! It is, nevertheless, time for all good little boys and girls to be grateful and reflect on the past few weeks of holiday fun and cheer. Here it is... my top 5 reasons to celebrate Christmas in the States (or the 'U.S.' for those opposed to 'the States.' You know who you are.):

#5... Better Christmas carols, we've got enough holly, jolly tunes to keep the whole family singing from noon until night fall. Hey, who took frosty's nose???

#4... Let's face it, where else is it legal, let alone cute and adorable, to actually steal Christmas? Wow, those children's authors just get better and better each and every year, eh? You know it's times like these when I'm glad that they're required to have doctorates to publish. And those rhymes. 'Who-hash!' haha, get's me every time... 'Who-hash.'

#3... A kinder, gentler Santa: in the rustic Latin-American rendition of the story, ol' Saint Nick has a helper who eats naughty children. Yikes, flesh-hungry elves make a stocking full of coal look like a family bar-b-que at grandma's.

#2... Real Christmas trees, none of this putting up the same thing every year dribble. My family and myself visited Rockafeller Center in NYC where they had a sizable live tree from the raging forests of Oregon. A true wilderness adventurer chopped that tree down. Paul Bunyan methinks, whose sturdy ox, oh I don't know, let's call him "abe," braved the harsh terrain carrying said evergreen hundreds of miles through the snow, and what did I see when fixing mine eyes upon the festivities of St. Peter's, the greatest of all shrines built in our Lord's name?...arbor fabricated by human hands... Ya, plastic! These silly European Catholics have no clue...

.... AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON TO SPEND CHRISTMAS IN THE STATES IS ....

#1... Duh, cooler presents. Can anyone say iPod and endless accessories? Hello?? After all, what would I do without my music-pumping, picture-porting, video-viewing, bread-toasting, custom circumcision-performing, gator-training, justice-serving, dash-administering device swinging anew from in and around my hip? All-in-one might I add. I don't know about you, but, uh, I am that vain.

Ok, so that was silly. But anyways, that's where we stand on the whole Christmas thing, and that's the story. But, seriously, I hope you all had a wonderful time during the holidays, and don't worry, I didn't mention hanukkah, etc because there is only so much space, ya know. Besides, the 'Dradle, Dradle, Dradle" door has been knocked on too many times. After all I am a friend of the Jews, what with living in an interreligious-friendly community and all. 'Who doesn't like a Jew?', I always say. Go dial-up Adam Sandler about that list, ok? He's dun' beat that horse dead... Have a great new year everyone.